Ann Dunwoody, an Army lieutenant general, has become the first woman in US history to become a four-star general. I know you’re curious, so I’ll tell you. One star for cooking, one for cleaning, one for birthin’, and one for foot massaging. Congratulations, Ann. Keep reaching for that glass ceiling, ladies! But mop the floor first.

Source:  T-Shirt Hell

This concept is inspired by a centuries old Finnish legend about Ron Kainen the Robber (who required potential accomplices to complete an obstacle course carrying heavy sacks of grain or live swine on their backs).

This one comes to us from a reader submission. I really enjoy submissive readers.

I have started a petition to make this tag standard on all clothing that is produced.

Click here to sign the petition 

For stupid reasons, women (and sometimes men who are wusses) freak out over a stupid little house spider. They won’t shut up until you (the man) come and “save them.” Does it occur to them that the spider is smaller than a dime and is absolutely harmless? Of course not. They’re idiots. That’s why you (the man) have to interrupt whatever important thing you’re doing (surfing the Internet) to save the day. And by “save the day,” I mean “waste your time.”

Unless you want to be on call 24/7, you need to end this nonsense immediately. Here’s how to make sure you never get interrupted to kill a spider again. In the process, you will assert your masculinity, and your absolute dominion over all things domestic will remain unquestioned.

1. Follow woman into the offending room. Say nothing. Make no facial expression unless your ordinary face is steely contempt. If it is, good, keep making that face. If not, you’re probably a pussy and you should give up this charade immediately before you embarrass yourself. Don’t try not to cover when the exterminator arrives by blaming the woman. Trust me, he’s not impressed. He’s wearing that gas mask to avoid breathing your infectious pussitude.
2. Smash spider with the end of naked fist. Try to crack (but not break) the dry wall. Do NOT use a tissue. If you are afraid of a little spider guts on your hands, what if you need to kill a bear? It will happen, and you will not be prepared.
3. Wipe spider guts on the front of shirt. If you’re wearing a nice shirt, take it off and drop it on the floor. Make sure that the woman understands that you expect that shirt cleaned and pressed by the next morning, even if it’s not laundry day.
4. Leave.

I’m assuming that you’re dealing with a woman. If another man makes you kill a spider, punch him in the face. Then use a tissue and throw the spider in the trash. You don’t want to use your hand because if there is no woman, then you’re probably doing your own laundry, and you should never make laundry for yourself if you can avoid it.

Here are two Sexual Harassment training videos. Know them well so that the snatches will keep you out of court.